In the Good Old Days…
Ah, the Good Old Days of Libertarian Thought, before capitalism and greedy industrialists ruined everything. This is the wonderful world of the “Little House on the Prairie”. Let’s see how much better things were back then.
* People lived to 40 years old. Who wants to live longer anyway ? I mean, at 40 you’ve about seen it all, right ?
* Medicine was much more down-to-earth. If you had a broken leg, Uncle Willy would pop it back into place, and then he’d tie a board to your leg. You might walk a little funny for the rest of your life, but it would give you a new nickname, and it was all natural.
* Blood-letting builds character. Homespun remedies that don’t work improve your risk-taking capacities.
* Before, medical treatment was bloody, risky and extremely painful. Today we give people pills. That’s just cheap.
* No riches and no luxuries, except for the nobility. Prosperity weakens people, and poverty builds character. Just look at Africans today, they have a lot of character and culture.
* No household technology, or electricity. At least women could do wonderful things like baking bread on stoves that they filled with freshly cut wood. Everyone knows that the greatest satisfaction is making things you worked on yourself, unlike those modern microwave ovens that can cause cancer.
* People out there were much healthier from that good healthy wood-smoke from the stoves, and later, smokestacks from dirty industries.
* They also knit their own clothes, blankets, and quilts with those quaint sewing machines that they had to run from their foot, or even better, spinning the wool by hand, and it’s natural.
* No communications except for letters. Kids today just don’t need grammar anymore. And besides, who needs to get the news every day ? Without the news, men have more time to chop wood and fill the holes in the roof with mud.
* Working on farms all day is an idyllic life. People back then knew how to work hard – well, they had no choice, really.
* The food was all natural, everything was natural. And we all know that natural means healthy. When you starved to death, you starved naturally, and therefore it was healthy.
* No need for a police force to take care of problems. Lynch mobs are much less expensive, and improve social cohesion too. None of this “innocent until proven guilty” nonsense, either.
* If the crops fail in the freezing cold winter, and the family all huddles together around the stove, firm in its faith in God, why, you have all the makings of a character-building experience.
* Burying your own shit is character-building, and so is washing clothes by hand, and chopping your own wood. * What better spiritual experience than burying your own baby, in your own backyard, with a coffin that papa build himself from a cedar he split himself ? Talk about being in touch with nature and the circle of life. Also, there is no need for birth control when half your babies die swiftly.
* It’s so much more comforting to know that your destiny is determined by your social class, from your birth to your death. No need for all that sissy soul-searching and social mobility.
* Filling your bed with straw and goose feathers, and filling the holes in the roof with mud and grass, makes for a much more down-to-earth home.
* They really appreciated Christmas back then, when oranges were extraordinary gifts. I bet they were much tastier, too. People appreciated simple things much more. Today’s luxury-minded youngsters just don’t appreciate anything.
* War builds character. And combat with rifles and pistols at close quarters is much more honorable anyway.
* The gun blowing up in your face while you’re trying to defend your home from burglars is much more exciting. They didn’t have no sissy “assault weapons”.
* There were no diversions like the Internet, video games, television or radio. Everyone had body-breaking work to take up all their time, and the Bible by candle-light, of course.
* Women didn’t have to bother with silly little things like voting. Neither did anyone else, for that matter.
* Divorce ? What’s that ? If your husband is a wife-beater, at least you can console yourself with the realization that he only beats you when he’s sober. Just keep that distillery going.
* They knew what real romance was. Like writing ads in newspapers to have brides sent to a gold mine in California. Women were used to civilize men. Today, women are used by the media for little more than sexual titillation, and they get paid for it too.
* Prostitutes were much more colorful and charming. The absence of contraception ensured that prostitution was a really exciting occupation, like Russian Roulette. And so was sleeping with a prostitute. You learn that actions have consequences when you receive syphilis, let me tell you that. Back then, you could die : now you just get antibiotics, which doesn’t build character at all.
* Homosexuality was just so appreciated. So were minorities. And Indians.
* Children often had polio. It was a good learning experience. Even an American president had childhood polio, so it can’t have been that bad.
* Rights of children ? What’s that ? A child should be seen and not heard.
* Child labor is great. Today’s children and teens just don’t appreciate the luxury of not having to work until sundown.
* They knew how to raise children back then, and teachers wouldn’t take any of the nonsense they do today. When they hit you with that ruler, you bled. Discipline.
* Cod liver oil beats sissy colored vitamins any day.
* Finally, retards could hold high positions as village idiots or bell-ringers, instead of the silly “treatments” we give them today.
Without the Industrial Revolution, we would still have all this ! Imagine how wonderful it would be !